Then I had a thought this morning. I worry because it gives me control. Right now nothing is for certain it seems. I don't know what will happen with graduate school. I must apply for admission, must apply for scholarships and then wait for some graduate review board somewhere out there, filled with people I've never met to decide whether I will or will not continue my education. I don't know what will happen with our jobs right now. I don't know when God will bless us with a family. I don't know when I will ever live near family again. I don't know if I'm really supposed to be doing any of this stuff. So worrying has become my only control and certainty in life right now.
Sigh. Worry has become like a virus for me.
"Do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." ~ Matthew 6: 31-34